I’ve hired many people … and fired only a few. My best co-workers thrived because of three key character qualities. The disappointing ones struggled because they lacked the very same qualities. I’ve noticed an identical dynamic in friendships, marriages and...
RW Blog
Spanglish
Today’s movie clip is one of my favorites. It illustrates several key relational skills, including empathy, self-control, and the use of perceptive questions rather than forceful arguments. The clip is taken from the movie, Spanglish. Its central character, Flor, is a...
The Golden Result
We all know the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” But do you know the Golden Result? “Other people will usually treat you the way you treat them.” Not always, but usually. Because that’s how our brains are wired. Here is a short movie clip...
Has Your Strength Become a Weakness?
To find your greatest weakness, first identify your greatest strength and then look right behind it. That’s one of the tragic results of sin: it twists our strengths into weaknesses, just as (-1) x 100 becomes -100. Are you highly intelligent and well-studied in the...
Are You Relational or Informational?
Many pastors are much better at imparting information than they are at building relationships. They are comfortable in their studies. They love their books. They pride themselves on their sound doctrine. They come alive in the pulpit as they proclaim “the...
No Excuses
I failed a friend. Badly. No, not just badly … very badly. It took me a while to face it. When I finally realized what I’d done, embarrassment kept me from going to talk with him right away. So now I was doubly wrong. Failed to support him, and failed to admit it...
One Solution to Political Polarization
A week ago today, I had the privilege of teaching relational wisdom to our Montana State Legislators and their staffs. I was warmly welcomed by every person I met as I walked into the House Chamber. More importantly, many people came up afterwards to express their...
7 Ways to Redeem an Offense
I recently received a complaint from a woman who I will call Ruth (not her real name) regarding a video clip I used in one of my blog posts. The video is called It’s Not about the Nail. It features a graphic metaphor built around a woman with a nail in her forehead...
Five Ways to Defeat Loneliness at Christmas
Three weeks before Christmas, Wolfgang Dircks died while watching television. His body wasn’t discovered until five years later. None of the neighbors in his apartment complex noticed the absence of the 43-year-old. His rent continued to be paid automatically out...
“Chutes and Ladders” Evangelism
During a recent seminar in California, I was approached by a man named Ross who told me he is “successfully failing†in his business. Ross employs over a hundred people. His company is thriving, which enables him to provide his employees with excellent wages,...
10 Ways to Connect Deeply at Thanksgiving
Would you like to move beyond superficial conversation during your Thanksgiving gathering this year? Would you like to connect deeply with your family and friends and hear them share stories about the most meaningful people and events of their lives? If so, give each...
The Two Treasures
My mother-in-law lived with our family for twenty years. For six of those years, my mother also lived with us. Corlette and I called them “the Two Treasures.†In all the years they lived in our home, I never heard one word of criticism, grumbling, or complaining...
Redeeming Your Weaknesses
To find your greatest weakness, first identify your greatest strength and then look right behind it. That’s one of the tragic results of sin: it twists our strengths into weaknesses, just as (-1) x 100 becomes -100. Are you highly intelligent and well-studied in the...
Preparing Children for Life
When Corlette and I were raising and educating our children, we struggled far more with relational challenges than we did with academic content. Put four sinful people together in the same home and the relational tensions will easily eclipse educational issues. Our...
Springing from Adversity to Worship
Adversity tends to pull us down. It hurts when others sin against us, take us for granted, fail to stand up for us, or break their commitments to us. Such treatment can easily cause us to feel discouraged, bitter or depressed. But there is a way to convert these...
Download the RW360 Smartphone App!
Would you like to have hundreds of articles, videos and downloadable ebooklets on relational wisdom, biblical peacemaking and Christian conciliation available on your smartphone? To review just before a difficult conversation or meeting ... To remind you how to show...
Reputation vs Character
Jeff’s reputation was being trashed by people in his own church. He was respected throughout the city for his outstanding Sunday school classes, which had drawn hundreds of people to his church. But then he got caught in the middle of a congregational battle...
Really Nice Pants
In today’s movie clip, Will Smith demonstrates the enormous benefit relational wisdom (RW) can have in the workplace. The clip comes from the movie Pursuit of Happiness. It is based on the true story of Chris Gardner. In the weeks leading up to this scene, he ran out...
Getting Wind Under Your Wings
After weeks of nonstop travel, I was running out of energy. As a result I was unusually apathetic as I walked into the conference center for one of my recent presentations. Not a good attitude for teaching relational wisdom. So I began to pray. “Lord, I feel lousy...
What Is Their Story?
Includes 90 "Getting-to-Know-Others" Questions! Many of us waste golden opportunities to deepen relationships during family, church and business conversations. How? We ask generic questions of one another that produce superficial information: “Where are you from?â€...
The Power of Words
Do you want to learn how to connect with people? Really connect? To touch others heart-to-heart, life-to-life? To convince them you understand and care about them? To move them toward actions that are right and good and pleasing to God? Then learn how to connect with...
Hooked
Cindy and Alicia, both seventeen, walked out of the mall after a fun afternoon of shopping. Just as they reached Cindy’s car in the parking lot, two young men drove by on motorcycles. One of them knew Cindy from school, so they stopped to talk. After a few minutes...
Changing a Murderer into a Minister
Businge Peter Simon passed the long hours in his prison cell dreaming about how he would murder the man who sent him there. But before he could put his plot into action, God intervened in a dramatic way. Here is what Businge wrote to me: Brother Ken, Praise the Lord,...
The Compassionate Boxer
Cinderella Man is packed with examples of relational wisdom. Russell Crowe plays the part of a real life hero named James J. Braddock. Once a successful heavyweight boxer, Braddock was reduced to poverty by a broken hand and the Great Depression. After losing their...
A Severe Mercy
One of my dearest friends and coworkers passed away ten days ago. Gary Brook had been fighting a respiratory illness for nearly a decade but had finally been approved for a lung transplant in Seattle, Washington. Just hours before his death, he and I had been planning...
7 Ways to Apply RW in Combat, Congress and the Church
In memory of the military personnel who have risked their lives to protect our freedoms, I am reprinting a post that describes how a highly respected Army officer, now serving as a United States Congressman, lived out relational principles from God’s Word as he led...
A Lost Translation … Almost
XYZ Translators (all names changed) was about to lose a ten-year investment in learning the language of a remote tribe in Africa. John and Janice had lived with the tribe for a decade, building relationships, mastering their vocabulary and creating an alphabet they...