I learned the hard way how easy it is to breach a dam. When I was fourteen, my dad hired a contractor to enlarge a stock pond on our ranch by building a dam. It was ten feet high and thirty feet thick at its base. As the pond filled, we discovered that the dirt…(Read More)
I recently received a complaint from a woman who I will call Ruth (not her real name) regarding a video clip I used in one of my blog posts. The video is called It’s Not about the Nail. It features a graphic metaphor built around a woman with a nail in her forehead and…(Read More)
Jeff’s reputation was being trashed by people in his own church. He was respected throughout the city for his outstanding Sunday school classes, which had drawn hundreds of people to his church. But then he got caught in the middle of a congregational battle over the senior pastor. A group of members had…(Read More)
Businge Peter Simon passed the long hours in his prison cell dreaming about how he would murder the man who sent him there. But before he could put his plot into action, God intervened in a dramatic way. Here is what Businge wrote to me: Brother Ken, Praise the Lord, God is great, God is…(Read More)
XYZ Translators (all names changed) was about to lose a ten-year investment in learning the language of a remote tribe in Africa. John and Janice had lived with the tribe for a decade, building relationships, mastering their vocabulary and creating an alphabet they could use to write a New Testament Bible in their language…(Read More)
At last he had his chance. Clutching his prepared statement in his hand, Mark sat down in the front pew, ready to get even with the elders (all names have been changed). Six months earlier they had refused to support his promotion to senior pastor. They had stood silently by when Mark was slandered in…(Read More)
As the Civil War was coming to an end, it seemed inevitable that the North would prevail. President Lincoln had many discussions with administration “hardliners,†who hotly opposed his intention to be merciful and generous to the South. During one particularly heated conversation, one of those men rebuked Lincoln, saying that the North must “destroy…(Read More)
Cindy and Clark went to their pastor, Paul, for marriage counseling (names changed but story used by permission). After several meetings, the three of them somehow reached the inexplicable conclusion that the solution to their marital distress was to give their newborn baby up for adoption … to the pastor’s daughter and son-in-law…(Read More)
When Peacemaker Ministries launched its initial training on biblical conflict resolution, my dear friend and founding Board member Jim Soft contributed this study on the character of a peacemaker. May God grant all of us grace to develop these qualities! ~ Ken Sande One of the most profound and rare eulogies in all the Bible…(Read More)
A young couple headed for divorce because of adultery came into my office one day. They picked the perfect week … the week before Easter. To learn why this week has always been my favorite time to start divorce mediations … and to discover a power that can restore your broken relationships, watch this short…(Read More)
Years ago, Charles Spurgeon wrote, “A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God’s work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness.†This insight led me to write a prayer that I’ve used again and again whenever I have needed to be reconciled…(Read More)
The woman on the phone was crying so hard I could barely understand her. “You warned me,” she said over and over. “But I didn’t listen, and now it’s too late.” “To late for what?” I asked when she paused to take a breath. “When did I warn you? Why is it too…(Read More)
After two fruitless mediation sessions, Dave and Don were still miles apart and more bitter than ever. Best friends since high school, Don had hired Dave to manage his construction crews. Working long hours together, they built a highly successful company. But then a series of management disagreements escalated into a heated argument that resulted…(Read More)
It’s not often that an attorney loses a lawsuit, along with her two million dollar contingency fee, and yet walks away satisfied. I’ve seen similar satisfaction with employees who didn’t get a promotion. With church members who disagreed with their pastors. And with children who could not escape discipline. The relationship-saving…(Read More)
Jeff’s reputation was being trashed by people in his own church. He was respected throughout the city for his outstanding Sunday school classes, which had drawn hundreds of people to his church. But then he got caught in the middle of a congregational battle over the senior pastor. A group of members had become…(Read More)
Churches and ministries (as well as married couples) could learn a vital lesson from the U.S. State Department. Chip Zimmer, our ministry’s Vice President, worked for the State Department from 1990-2001, serving in diplomatic posts in Africa and Latin America. In light of last week’s evacuation of the families of U…(Read More)
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was to ask my mother and my mother-in-law to give up their car keys. Doing it with each of them on the same day (since they both lived with us) was especially difficult. Our moms loved running their own errands and driving to meet…(Read More)
One of the greatest heartbreaks a parent can experience is to be estranged from an adult child … which usually means losing contact with beloved grandchildren as well. That’s what happened to Karen when she offended her daughter, Debra, with a few careless words during her granddaughter’s soccer game three years ago. A frozen…(Read More)
I’ve been in the middle of hundreds of conflicts. Divorces, custody battles, business lawsuits, forced pastoral exits, church splits, nonprofit disintegrations … you name it, I’ve seen Christians fight over it. After many long and difficult mediations, I learned that there was one factor that usually made the difference between seeing either genuine reconciliation…(Read More)
Sexual abuse in the church does not have to end in broken lives, agonizing lawsuits, and divided congregations. When people follow God’s ways and words, these terrible incidents can result in healing, justice, and healthier churches. When victims of abuse first come forward, I have found that most of them are seeking four reasonable…(Read More)
Thomas Edison never claimed to be a Christian, but he did a better job of demonstrating forgiveness than many believers do. When Edison and his staff were developing the incandescent light bulb, it took twenty-four hours to manufacture a single bulb. One day he handed a new bulb to a young errand boy and…(Read More)
I love it when ordinary people use simple biblical principles to solve relational problems that have stumped corporate presidents and highly trained professionals. That’s exactly what a woman named Diane did when two coworkers were about to lose their jobs. Here is the story she shared with me. I recently learned about two scientists…(Read More)
Rich, a dear friend of mine, had a horrible conflict with his neighbor, Cynthia. A property line dispute that began with debates in the back yard had evolved into heated arguments. Eventually Cynthia filed a lawsuit. As an attorney and certified conciliator, Rich felt guilty and embarrassed that he had been unable to resolve the…(Read More)
A young couple headed for divorce because of adultery came into my office one day. They picked the perfect week … the week before Easter. To learn why this week has always been my favorite time to start divorce mediations … and to discover a power that can restore your broken relationships, watch this short…(Read More)
I recently sent out an impulsive and sin-tainted email to a group of people whom I dearly love. Two brothers quickly and gently confronted me. I then had the humbling experience of emailing a detailed confession to the same group of people. But the embarrassment I felt was worth the blessing of receiving this…(Read More)
One of the most dramatic reconciliations I ever witnessed involved five brothers and a sister who were fighting over their parents’ estate. Their relationship had deteriorated so badly that one brother nearly assaulted his siblings with a baseball bat. But then God did something amazing through a relationally wise pastor. I chronicled their story in…(Read More)
“You warned me. You warned me. And I didn’t listen. Now it’s too late. She’s dead and I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry.†The woman was sobbing so hard on the other end of the telephone line that I could hardly understand her words. But as she calmed…(Read More)
It’s not often that an attorney loses a lawsuit, along with her two million dollar contingency fee, and yet walks away satisfied. I’ve seen similar satisfaction with employees who didn’t get a promotion. With church members who disagreed with their pastors. And with children who could not escape discipline. The relationship-saving…(Read More)
Nine million people will soon be introduced to biblical peacemaking through an hour-long television show called The Good Wife. The Good Wife is a prime time CBS legal and political drama. Its central character is a woman named Alicia Florrick (played by Julianna Margulies), whose husband, a former state attorney general, was jailed following…(Read More)
Josh was slowly crumbling under a steady barrage of criticism. For a few weeks after he began as pastor, the people at his new church seemed friendly and supportive. But Josh soon discovered that many of them were perpetually dissatisfied. They constantly questioned his leadership and complained about weak sermons, unmet needs, or a lack…(Read More)
