I’ve hired many people … and fired only a few. My best co-workers thrived because of three key character values. The disappointing ones struggled because they lacked the very same values. I’ve noticed an identical dynamic in friendships, marriages and ministries, all of which either thrived or withered to the degree that people…(Read More)
Jerry’s wife had filed for divorce. She was willing to mediate the legal issues but made it clear she had no interest in reconciliation. Ted had a similar problem with his church. Months of unresolved tensions had overflowed in a contentious elders meeting, with a few of his elders urging him to leave. Both…(Read More)
Mom’s Night Out (not to be confused with Bad Moms) provides some superb examples of relational wisdom … especially by a big, tattooed biker. The movie involves three mothers who decide they need a night away from their kids. In order to enjoy high heels, adult conversation and food not served in a bag, they…(Read More)
I received a lot of positive feedback on last week’s post about a pastor who admitted his need for physical rest, spiritual renewal and relational retooling. One of the most insightful responses came from a different pastor’s wife, who described how both she and her husband also came close to burn out. I…(Read More)
Years ago I completed a particularly sad divorce mediation. The husband had tried for years to meet his wife’s expectations, but she was adept at finding fault with everything he did. Shortly after our final meeting, I read an article in Country Magazine in which M.G. Creight described her husband with wonderfully warm…(Read More)
I’ve been in the middle of hundreds of conflicts. Divorces, custody battles, business lawsuits, forced pastoral exits, church splits, nonprofit disintegrations … you name it, I’ve seen Christians fight over it. After many long and difficult mediations, I learned that there was one factor that usually made the difference between seeing either genuine reconciliation…(Read More)
Corlette and I have very different depth perception. A car that I see as being a hundred feet away she sees as being a hundred inches away. So when I’d make a left turn with a car coming towards us in the opposite lane, she would tense up, grab the door handle, and jam…(Read More)
Corlette and I are in Jackson, Wyoming, today celebrating 30 years of marriage. We took this “selfie” at the end of a hike around Jenny Lake, one of the most beautiful places in Teton National Park … almost as beautiful as my bride! Later this morning we plan to raft ten miles of the Snake…(Read More)
One of the most effective ways to undermine a relationship is to use double-messages to manipulate other people. This all-too-common process was perfectly illustrated in a recent edition of Baby Blues, one of my favorite cartoon strips. Wanda has clearly mastered the art of “control without coercion.” By saying “It’s fine…(Read More)
One night in the early years of our marriage, Corlette and I had such an intense disagreement that we went to bed unreconciled. Yes, we ignored the wisdom principle to not let the sun go down on our anger. As we lay there facing away from each other, a bizarre contest developed. Without either one…(Read More)
Years ago I completed a particularly sad divorce mediation. The husband had tried for years to meet his wife’s expectations, but she was adept at finding fault with everything he did. Shortly after our final meeting, I read an article in Country Magazine in which M.G. Creight described her husband with wonderfully warm…(Read More)
It’s pretty hard to find a good confession in a modern movie … but here’s a great one. This clip comes from the movie Fireproof. Kirk Cameron plays a young fireman whose marriage is falling apart due to his selfishness, insensitivity, addiction to pornography, and violent temper. Erin Bethea plays his wife, Catherine, who…(Read More)